When a College Says No

by Patrick O'Connor, Ph.D.

The real madness of March has nothing to do with basketball—it begins when colleges announce their admissions decisions, starting around March 20. As a pre-game warmup, let’s review what we already know:

• Most selective colleges report an increase in applicants every year;
• Since these schools don’t admit more students than they did last year, that means they end up saying no to more students…
• …and wait-listing more students. This increase means fewer students are likely to be admitted from the waitlist come May—and if they are admitted, financial aid will be scarce.

To ease your concern, I have one word of advice. Actually, it’s a number:

850

To begin with, calm down. This is not the highest score you can earn on some mystery version of the SAT. Eight hundred fifty is the number of valedictorians recently rejected from one of America’s most prestigious colleges. These students represented the best their high schools had to offer; they did everything they were “supposed” to do, yet they weren’t even offered a place on the waitlist.

At this point you’re probably thinking one of two things:

1. “Wow, they put in all that work for nothing.”
2. “Geez, if they can’t get in, I don’t stand a chance.”

First things first. It had to be hard to be turned down by a school they loved—but did all that preparation really lead to nothing? Given everything these students had learned, the ways they had grown, and how they overcame adversity and embraced creativity in creating College Plans, B, C, and Q, did they really get nothing out of it?

If so, they have every right to be unhappy, but not with the college. They should be unhappy watching the sun rise and set 1307 times since the first day of ninth grade to the day the college said no, never once appreciating all each of those days had to offer in and of themselves.

They should hang their heads a little to realize, just now, the difference they’ve made to their classmates, their teammates, and the people in the soup kitchen.

And if they look back with regret on the many times they blew off a compliment from a teacher or parent because the goal of college wasn’t realized, that’s more than OK. They now know that the goal of fully living each day was conquered with a flourish—and that understanding will make each day all the richer at the wonderful college that had the good sense (and room) to take them.

What about the colleges you applied to? They’re looking for great students who have done wonderful things with their lives, and will work nicely with the other admitted students. That blend goes beyond test score and class rank—it goes to who you are, what you care about, and how you see the world. Problem is, they run out of room before they run out of qualified applicants.

The thing to focus on then is not who told you no, but who told you yes. If a college wants you but runs out of room, that’s their fault; if they don’t see you for who you really are, well, maybe that’s not the place for you after all. Either way, your contributions will be greatly admired, and badly needed, by the college that had the good sense to tell you yes—which means any no, from any college, simply cannot touch you.