An Ivy League Dropout Due to Jeans, Not Genes

By:  Patrick O'Connor Ph.D

My first school counseling job was in a rural town, far away from the major city where I was born and the suburbs where I finished high school.  A few years after leaving that job, I heard that a neighboring high school of that rural town had sent their first-ever graduate to an Ivy League college.  The success turned out to be brief, however, as the student came home for Christmas vacation, and never went back.

There are all kinds of reasons students change colleges, but this one is particularly sad, at least to me.  The reason this student left her college had nothing to do with roommates, or classes that were too hard, or even a broken heart.  She came home because the brilliant students at this wonderful college made fun of her rural background, and her lack of worldly ways.  “Everyone made fun of the jeans she was wearing” her counselor told me, shaking his head.

That story came to mind last week, when another counselor and I were discussing Justice Scalia’s remarks at a Supreme Court hearing about the need for many students of color to attend less challenging colleges.  Counselors usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt, so even though this statement was appalling in so many ways, I was trying to figure out some way that it wasn’t as bad as it sounded.

My colleague assured me it was as bad as it sounded, but then he offered this.  “When I was working at the admissions office at a highly selective college, and we received an application from a student from a very poor school, we only looked for one thing—sophistication.  If we took this student, we knew they were going to be exposed to all kinds of new ideas in the classroom, but they were also going to be exposed to different political ideas, lifestyle choices, foods, and people they’ve never seen before.  Sure, they had to be smart, but that meant nothing if they weren’t sophisticated.”

There are other words to describe this quality—flexible, accepting, resilient-- but I knew exactly what my colleague meant.  It helped me understand more of what that rural girl was feeling when she was being mocked for wearing the wrong jeans.  She had the brains to make it in an Ivy League classroom; she just didn’t have the wherewithal to make it in the Ivy League hallways.  She knew she had some growing up to do, and, all things considered, that was fair.  Given all they had been exposed to, her Ivy League classmates had a different kind of growing up to do, but she was unwilling to let their need to mature come at her personal expense.

I’d like to think Justice Scalia really meant to talk about sophistication last week, about the need to make sure students are picking colleges where they will find the right mix of challenge, opportunity, and support, both in and out of the classroom.  Finding that fit is our job, and we’re smart enough to know fit transcends gender, race, age, and background.  Lining up the right college is an individual process, and that’s why it takes time, knowledge, and insight to create the right mix of art and science that is college counseling.  It’s why some students end up at Ivy League schools, and why some students from the same high school end up at public universities—and all of them end up happy.

We’re smart enough to know that.  I just wish Justice Scalia had been that smart, too.

What Your College Application Decisions Won’t Tell You

By:  Patrick O'Connor Ph.D

With many colleges releasing early admissions decisions, seniors are creating more parallel universes than the Matrix movies combined. This "what if" game is so intense, it's easy to think you'll know all about your future life, once the college says yea, nay, or maybe.

And that is absolutely wrong.

Applying to college isn't easy, especially when you're still on two sports teams, taking demanding classes, and preparing for your last Winter Concert. But all the applications you completed, letters of recommendation you tracked down, and essays you wrote (by yourself--right?) are designed for one purpose only--to help a college decide if they should admit you. When it comes to other parts of your life, a college decision tells you absolutely nothing about:

Succeeding at that college Most colleges are receiving more applications than ever before--so many that they can't say yes to every qualified student. If you hear from a college this week and they deny or defer you, it doesn't mean they don't want you; it likely means that, like a good restaurant, they have more people that want to partake than they have space. That has nothing to do with you.

If a college admits you this week, it means they think you *can* do the work--but nothing's guaranteed. Getting in is time to celebrate, but not time to put your feet up; use the rest of high school to take your academic game to another level.

Your ability to have a happy life I could pull out data from studies showing where you go to college has nothing to do with average income, career achievement, or life satisfaction--but numbers just aren't that comforting right now. Instead, think back to a time in life when you didn't get something you really wanted. It was disappointing, it hurt, and for a while, you weren't sure what you were going to do. You then found Plan B, and realized that the opportunities it brought were just as good--or better--than what you had hoped Plan A would bring. If a college tells you no this week, Plan B awaits.

Your value as a person This is the time of year when we believe, more than ever, that the right "stuff" will make us a complete person. When you see ads with people thrilled to get the latest smartphone, automatic vacuum cleaner, or big screen TV that's larger than a school bus, you can't help but wonder why we just don't buy one for everybody, since that is clearly the key to world peace.

But stuff doesn't do that--and neither does a college decision. A yes from a college doesn't make you somebody; the work you put into earn that yes did that. A no from a college doesn't make you nobody; that happens when you decide their denial is a character indictment, instead of an opportunity to build a great life at another school.

Either way, your worth isn't waiting in an e-mail that's going to drop this week, or next week. Your worth is within you, and it isn't waiting for much of anything, other than your recognition of its existence.

Applying to college is a big deal, and there are a lot of people who love you for who you are. They hope it all works out for you when college decisions are announced. Whether it works out or not, they'll still love you for who you are.

I'm really hoping one of those people is you.

Before You Yell at your School Counselor

By:  Patrick O'Connor  Ph.D

You've worked so hard to schedule, prepare, and nudge your high school senior to apply to college on time. You shared that small thrill when they hit Submit with time to spare, and you thought you were all set.

Until they got the e-mail.

"Our records indicate your application is incomplete. Unless we receive a copy of your high school transcript in the next five days, we will be unable to process your application."

At this point, you've decided this is personal, so even though it's 7 at night, you pick up the phone and leave The Mother of All Voice Mails for your school counselor.

Boy, did you just blow it. Here's why:

Your entire reaction is based on a wrong assumption. The college hasn't said "Forget it"; they've said, "We need something." You can help them get what they need. Was that voice mail helping the college? Was it helping your child?

The college likely has the information. Even with advanced technology, admissions offices get backed up--so the transcript might not be in your child's file, but it is in the college's application system somewhere. That means your high school counselor--the one you just called incompetent--sent the transcript, and in a timely fashion.

If the college already has one copy of your transcript, they don't want another one. If the transcript is already in the college's system, they really don't want a second copy, since that would just increase their backlog. The only way to double check is for someone to call the admission office, and see if the first copy has found its way to your child's file.

You just berated the person who can help you the most. To be honest, the person who should call the college is your child (it's their application), but it's likely you want the school counselor to call. You know--the one you just described as incapable of doing their job.

This isn't to say they won't help you and give your child their full support, but if you've just given them a big, and very angry, piece of your mind, you've now put them in a spot where they need to start keeping a paper trail of your, um, complaint. That takes time; so does recovering from being told by someone who last applied to college 20 years ago that you don't know what you're doing. You want the problem resolved now, but you've just prevented that from happening. Is that really a good idea?

You've just left an impression you can't erase. Let's say the transcript is already there, or that a second one is sent, making your child's file complete. The college is now considering your child carefully, but they'd like a little more information about them. How does your child react to setbacks? How well do they speak up for themselves? Do they demonstrate flexibility?

The person the college will be talking to is--you guessed it--the school counselor, who is now only able to extol the virtues of your child's ability to hand their problems over to Mommy and Daddy to solve, simply because that's what the counselor has experienced. This isn't about a grudge; this is about their experience.

It's easy to freak out about the college admissions process, but just because you can, it doesn't mean you should. That's even more true when challenges arise, and your child looks to you to set the model for handling adversity they should take with them to college. This assumes the college still wants them. Part of that is up to you.

The After Thanksgiving College Talk

By:  Patrick O'Connor Ph.D

Thanksgiving is a time to step back and take in everything you’ve done this school year.  This is especially important with college counseling, where it’s too easy to get caught up in the minutiae of transcripts and letters of recommendation and forget about the reason behind all of that e-documenting—to make sure students have a new school next year where they can continue to learn, live, and challenge themselves.

Thanksgiving gives us a chance to come back to the office after the break and review students’ college lists with the big picture in mind.  The process for this post-Thanksgiving review is easy:

·         Review each senior’s post-high school plans.

·         For those heading to college, review the list of colleges they’ve given you, and make sure there is at least one school that is a likely admit.  For purposes of this review, a Likely school is one where the student’s GPA and test scores are at, or above, the average GPA and test scores of the college, AND the college admits more than 20 percent of their applicants.

·         If the student doesn’t have a Likely college on their list, it’s time to take action.

·         Ditto if the student has a Likely college on their list, but hasn’t yet applied there.

In most cases, the next step is to send a thoughtfully-worded e-mail .  “I had a chance to review your college plans.  You have some wonderful schools on your list, but they are all extremely competitive, and it’s important you add some other schools soon.  Please let me know when you can meet this week.”

By calling the student’s list “extremely competitive”, you aren’t commenting on the student’s qualifications; you’re focusing on the college’s limitations.  They’re going to run out of seats before they run out of great students, and the student needs to make sure they have strong college choices available in the spring.

Even the best-phrased “Let’s Talk” e-mail is going to rattle some students, especially those who know their college list is ambitious, but can’t quite come to terms with the idea that their dream schools may be out of reach.  This is why they may not come see you; it’s also the reason they don’t have any Likely schools in the first place.

This requires a thoughtful approach once they finally make it to your office.  Focusing on the limitations of the college (not the student), try to get the student to talk about the qualities of the demanding colleges they’ve chosen, and suggest Likely colleges that offer the same qualities.  The student likes small classes?  How about the residential college at the local state university?  The student wants to live on campus all four years with the same group of students?  An online college search will show a list of colleges that offer that option. 

Once a few additional colleges are discovered, the student and counselor set a deadline to apply to those colleges, and the student is reminded that, if all goes well, these college options may not even be needed—but if they are, they’ll be available.

To be sure, this work is time consuming, and it is also a little humbling, since this kind of review could mean there’s a student or two with college plans that don’t line up with their goals or abilities.  That’s a tough thing to admit, and a harder thing to discuss, but it’s in the student’s best interests, and ours, to gird up our courage and take action now, while the time still exists to maximize student choices.

That’s something we can all be grateful for.

College Application Myths That Just Won’t Die

By:  Patrick O'Connor  Ph.D

Leave it to Thanksgiving to bring out the panic in people.  Colleges with early application deadlines are busy reading essays and talking about students, while a vast majority of colleges are still waiting for students to apply—and these are the students who, for some reason, are convinced applying to college is harder than it really is.

In the interest of saving the college plans of seniors and the holiday plans of their counselors, here’s a quick rundown of what to do, what not to do, and what is really, absolutely untrue about the college selection process:

You can’t send your test scores until you apply to the college. If anything, the exact opposite is true—if you are going to apply to any more colleges this year, send your test scores now.  Depending on the college, and depending on the test company, scores might not arrive at the college right away, so waiting to send the scores could actually delay the review of your application, or eliminate you from consideration, if your application is incomplete.  Colleges put the test scores in a special place if they get there before your application, and if you never apply, the scores are securely destroyed in the summer.  Order them now.

Counselor and teacher letters should be sent after the student applies.  This is a really bad idea for any college you’re applying to.  If teachers and counselors had to hold off sending transcripts and letters until you apply on, say, December 29^th for a college with a January 1^st deadline, that would put the application system on overload, risk your application being deemed incomplete, and drive your teachers and counselors crazy.  They can, and should, submit your materials now, when the system is wide open, and no deadlines can threaten submissions.  It’s fine for you to wait until vacation to apply; your teachers and counselor don’t have that choice, since they will be, well, on vacation. Let them do their job, while they are on the job.

Colleges don’t want your application until the day it’s due.  I don’t know how to break this to you, but most colleges that have a January 1^st application deadline are closed on New Year’s Day.  Their computers are still on, so you can still submit applications that day, but no one is in the office keeping track of who submitted, and when.

Since the only risk you run with an early application is that it might be read early (and is that really a risk?), you have nothing to lose by sending your application now.  If you have four college applications to complete, do one a weekend, and you’ll be done before Christmas, while still having Thanksgiving weekend off.  All-nighters are fun, once you’re in college; pulling one to apply to college could ensure that you won’t get there.

Your counselor finds out your admissions decision before you do.  A few colleges are nice enough to let your high school know who was admitted, but that list usually comes a month after you find out.  Don’t leave your teachers and counselor in the dark; let them know what the college decides as soon as you hear.  This not only helps them support any college plans you may have to change—it’s also a great feeling to share good news with them.

Once a college admits you, your senior grades don’t matter. An offer of admission is a like a driver’s license—you only get to keep it if you keep showing you deserve it. ‘Nuff said. 

First Marking Period Grades, College, and You

By:  Patrick O'Conner Ph.D

First Marking Period Grades, College, and You

There’s been a lot of discussion about the use of data in school counseling, especially as it relates to helping students make good college choices.  If you haven’t bought Trish Hatch’s The Use of Data in School Counseling, put it on your holiday wish list.  Meanwhile, here’s my quick take on what you can to with first quarter report cards to help your students make the connection between grades and college access:

Ninth grade  The biggest part of the college counseling program for freshmen is college readiness—having the study skills, time management mastery, and self-knowledge to become a good student.  Good grades are only part of being a good student, but one thing’s for certain—if the grades are low, there’s room for more growth.

This is where report cards can come in handy, especially if they include teacher comments, or codes that teachers can use to suggest how students could improve—more study time, focusing on tests, paying more attention in class, etc.  A quick review of grades and these comments can give a counselor a clear picture of the students whose study skills most need find tuning.  Better yet, a workshop for all ninth graders can offer tips on how to become better students, using grades and comments as a guide.

Tenth grade  The same relationship among grades, comments, and strong study skills can be emphasized in tenth grade, along with a review of the role grades play in college admissions.  With a year of school under their belts, sophomores will want to know what kinds of college options their grades will create for them.  A group presentation showing the average GPA of admitted students at different colleges will highlight this in a powerful way, along with a demonstration of the options a B+ student has from a B student. 

This is also a good time to discuss the role of merit scholarships.  Using the merit scholarship list from Cappex as your guide, you can show students the economic difference their GPA can create if they can just find a way to lift those grades, as college cash becomes more available to students with higher GPAs.

Finally, this may be the time to remind students that higher grades in tenth grade classes can be a factor in qualifying for Honors, AP, or IB classes as a junior.  Grades aren’t the only factor colleges consider in the admissions process; they also consider the degree of challenge in a student’s course load, and sophomore grades can create more demanding junior year opportunities.  This is a good time to remind students of this.

Eleventh grade  The discussion of rigor, scholarships, and admissions becomes more real for many juniors.  The challenge here is that, with half of their high school career behind them, it is harder for students to dramatically raise their GPA.  Still, a stronger junior year can show colleges a trend of growth in the student.  That may not make a previously all-B student eligible for a highly selective college, but you never know.  Juniors need to be reminded of the possibilities.

Twelfth grade  Many seniors will either need or want to send their first quarter grades to colleges, to show how well they are doing with their most demanding year of high school.  In addition, more colleges are reviewing senior grades as part of the admission process, and rescinding offers of admission to students who lose focus.  Now is the time to check senior quarter grades, and alert students who are slipping of the risk they’re running.  A wise word now can keep more possibilities open come June. 

Reading Essays on Thanksgiving? Let’s Talk Turkey

By:  Patrick O'Connor  Ph.D

Colleagues, we need to talk.  A major college application deadline has just come and gone, and based on what I’m hearing, I love you all madly, but things went quite badly.

1.       “She gave me drafts of her Early Action essays on Halloween. Can you believe it?”

2.        “He came into my office Friday to ask where he should apply Early Decision. The deadline was Sunday. What could I do?”

3.       “She e-mailed me Sunday morning with a new application that was due that day.  What was she thinking?”

These comments didn’t come to me as a group, but they somehow seemed to be part of the same quiz—so here are my answers.

1.       No surprise here.  Kids start things late-- their time management skills are, well, raw.  What’s surprising is that she was allowed to do this.  Unless the student is channeling Hemingway, her essays will be underdeveloped and misunderstood.  She needed more time, and you needed your Saturday.

Stop the madness, and give them an advanced deadline that will really help them.  “If you’re applying to a college with a November deadline, I need to know by October 10^th.  If you’d like me to read your essays, I need those by October 15^th.  This is the only way I can guarantee your transcript will be sent on time, and the only way your essays will get the care they need.  Anything I receive after these deadlines will not be sent on time.  You know that now, so plan ahead.”

2.       Early Decision application programs are designed for students who LOVE a college. So, when a student asks “What college should I apply ED to?” two days before the deadline, they’re kind of asking which person they should marry two days before the wedding.  If they aren’t feeling it, the answer is, Don’t.  If they’re asking that question two days before the deadline, the answer is, Really don’t.

In fact, if they’re asking that question two days before the deadline, the answer is, Don’t let them.

Here’s what your newsletter says. “Just a reminder that if you’re applying Early Decision, you must attend that college if you are accepted.  This kind of commitment requires a lot of thought—so much so that, you can’t apply ED without your counselor’s permission to do so.  If we don’t have a conversation at least two weeks before your ED application is due, you won’t get my permission, because I take my role seriously in this discussion.  You should too. If you forget to make this appointment, maybe the school doesn’t mean that much to you after all.”

3.       She was thinking you would respond, and you did.  When a deadline falls on a weekend or over a holiday, my e-mail is on auto-reply, telling students I’ll be available when school reopens.  I’ve given them advanced deadlines, communicated them to students and parents (and yes, teachers) regularly, and now I’m sticking to them.  If an e-mail suggests I forgot to do something that’s due, I check, fix it, and respond.  Otherwise, the student is suggesting they’re having a college counseling emergency, and those don’t exist. I’ll point that out to them when school starts.

Students from different backgrounds certainly need different levels of support, so I understand if these responses may seem a little harsh.  But college asks a lot from a student, with little advanced notice.  That’s a skill they need to hone, and your job is to help get them college-ready.  Keep that in mind in helping your students deal with deadlines.

Now—about those college apps due January 1.