The Student I Never Knew

by Patrick O'Connor, Ph.D.

As I recall, the subject line of the email was so plain, I almost deleted it in the preview screen—but off we went, and it went something like this.

“Dear Mr. O’Connor:

“You don’t know me, but I attended one of your college application seminars at the public library two years ago. You said that building a college list only worked if you looked around enough to understand all the possibilities, and that too many students settle for the easy answers. It’s important to make sound choices, you said, but don’t be afraid to follow your heart a little.

“I went home and realized I hadn’t done that, so I started looking again. I came across a small school in California, so much of a better opportunity than the schools I had on my list. I did some additional investigating, applied, and was admitted. I can’t tell you what a wonderful first year I had last year. It was everything I’d hoped college would be.

“I was flying back this week to start my second year, when I noticed an article you wrote in the in-flight magazine about choosing the right college. This gave me the perfect opportunity to thank you for helping me find the right place for me. I’m most grateful.”

I was once told that a counselor could only retire once they helped a student they hadn’t met. I first figured that meant I’d work forever. But I got this email at least fifteen years ago, and did kind of retire at that point—I retired any doubt that I didn’t know what I was doing.

It made a world of difference. Students who had no idea what came after high school got even more words of understanding than before, since I was no longer afraid I’d be fired for failing to “get them in.”

A parent argued—in front of her own senior—that the student wasn’t bright enough to get into his first-choice college. “Their GPA is too low” she insisted.

I picked up his transcript—which didn’t have a cumulative GPA—and looked at it with 20 years of calculating GPAs behind me. “Gee” I said, “They’ve probably got a 3.42.”

The words barely came out of my mouth before the mother yelled—yelled—“It is not”.

That used to be enough to cause a week of sleepless nights. But I knew that I knew what I was doing now, so I started to use the phrase that would come in handy with every scared parent—and every parent who yells is just scared—I would ever meet again.

“OK.”

I calculated the GPA when they left, and I was wrong. It wasn’t 3.42. It was 3.43.

Meetings with students became more open-ended. I stopped asking about college, asking instead “What’s next for you?” I knew the ones who answered with a college list really didn’t understand the question, and if Harvard was the dream, they’d need a lot of backups. The ones who answered with what they wanted to study, the places they wanted to see—or, best of all, the questions they wanted to explore—had the sense of self that could sustain the fragile boasting of the rich pretenders in The Yahd. They were going to be just fine wherever they went.

Thanks to that student, I now know every student I helped bring what’s next to life had this quality—it was all them. That’s the best you can hope for in a profession that requires students to be first.

That, and helping a student you never met.

A Quick Review of Early Applications

by Patrick O'Connor, Ph.D.

November 1st is finally in the rearview mirror, giving counselors a chance to breath just a little until the November 15th deadline, and a chance to reflect on how things went in the early application period:

Lists are beyond aggressive A number of counselors are reporting more students with college lists that seem to be based more on hope than anything else. It isn’t unusual for a few students to come in with a list of colleges that, based on the numbers, make the student a reach candidate. This year, more lists than usual are fitting that description, and fewer of these lists seem to contain any schools where the student stands a more realistic chance at admission.

There seems to be a perception among some parents that their child’s chances of admission at reach schools will be increased this year if the student, teachers, and/or counselors attribute the child’s performance to issues related to COVID. While COVID has played a role in the achievement levels of many students, these parents seem to be forgetting that every high school senior applying to college had some COVID hardships to overcome, and many of them still came out of the experience with exceptionally high grades.

This isn’t to say colleges will slough off COVID if it’s offered as a cause of hardship, but its frequent appearance—and the availability of COVID-affected students with stronger credentials—make it less likely that B students will be considered at schools used to seeing A applicants. Meanwhile, the lists that include places like Harvard, Princeton, and Yale—with Columbia as the safety school—seem to be on the rise.

SARs are out of control. Counselors were delighted when colleges first started asking students to self-report grades. This step would speed up the admissions process, and since students had no reason to lie, the approach seemed nearly foolproof.

Yes, well. So many colleges are now asking for self-reported grades—in different formats—students are finding it harder to apply to college than ever before. This is especially true at colleges that wait to ask the student for self-reported grades until after the student applies. Colleges that wanted all materials by November 1^st can’t reasonably expect students to submit an SAR they didn’t know about in a timely fashion, but that’s exactly what some students and counselors are fearing.

Someone needs to take this issue by the horns. Creation of a common SAR may be a pipe dream, but what about creating a website where students submit this information once, and the website contains algorithms that format the information to the liking of a particular college? That would make everyone happy, including counselors, who are now spending hours no longer working on transcripts—since those hours find them working with students on SARs instead.

Financial Aid? Yes, Well… Some early applicants applying for financial aid feel hamstrung by the December release of the new FAFSA. This is especially true for Early Decision applicants needing aid, since the only escape clause from an ED application is if the college doesn’t meet full demonstrated need. If the college says yes in December, but doesn’t offer aid until February, what is the student to do?

Unpopular as this may be, it is likely wise for ED applicants with need to continue to apply to other schools, and to keep those applications active until they hear about the money their ED school has to offer. This is by no means the perfect answer, but an exceptional year calls for exceptional circumstances—and all qualified college-bound students deserve the right to be somewhere come next fall.

Helping Teachers Be College Counseling Advocates

by Patrick O'Connor, Ph.D.

This week, we zero in on specific activities teachers can do, mostly independent of you, to help advance your college curriculum.

Tell their story The more adults who “talk college”, the more students will go. Teacher stories are a huge help, since it brings the choice of college to life-- as long as they are told in the context of lessons learned, not with a tone of “yeah, that was awful, so don’t bother.”

Many high schools have a College Application Week, a Spirit Week to promote college awareness. Many of these programs devote a day for teachers to wear their college gear and spend five minutes of each class period talking about their college experience. With a little training from you, this is a powerful experience.

Give them reminders A quick monthly email from you keeps the teachers clued into your postsecondary planning curriculum, and what the students are experiencing. Give a quick summary of each grade level and some one sentence announcements to share with students (“Juniors, have you signed up for the ACT?”), so they can nudge them in a way you may not have time for. They also might keep their academic expectations in mind as they assign homework, as in, don’t give seniors a term paper in October. Write these once, and you’ll use them every year.

Teacher letters of recommendation The best thing most teachers can do is write letters of recommendation colleges value. Typically, that’s not the case; colleges report that most teacher letters are so vague, they don’t really say anything about the student.

The goal The goal of a teacher letter is show what it’s like to work with the student in the classroom on a regular basis.

The start of the letter A great teacher letter starts with a story about the student. “I’ll never forget the look on Bill’s face when he talked about three new applications (to him) of titration. It was like he saw the whole world in front of him, and was eager to understand all of it.” Too many teacher letters start with too many adjectives. They should give colleges a close-up view of the person the college wants to get to know beyond the numbers and the platitudes.

Activities? No Some teachers include the student’s activities in the letter as a way to say “See? I really know this kid!” Those are somewhere else on the application, so the teacher should show their understanding of the student in a different, more personal way—all in one page (and only one page-- really).

Other relationships? Maybe It’s OK to say they were also the student’s cross-country coach, but it’s better if they have a cross-country story to match the classroom story. Mentioning the connection is OK; using a cross-country story is a little better; connecting that with the classroom side of the student is gold.

Description Paragraphs two and three include what the teacher sees in the student. Adjectives are OK here, but adjectives with examples are much better. Qualities like curiosity, innovation, classroom leadership, level of academic preparedness, combined with examples, make a killer letter.

Closing It’s OK for the teacher to sign the letter giving the college some idea how long they’ve taught (Bill Smith, Geometry teacher for 20 years), but that’s really the only place the teacher talks about them.

Giving a letter writing workshop to teachers is a great way to do this. Better yet—invite a college rep to do it, which, for better or for worse, gives it more credibility, since they read the letters. Don’t take it personally.

[Photo: York High School, Nebraska staff wear spirit gear on College and Career Day]

Helping Teachers Talk College Counseling

by Patrick O'Connor, Ph.D.

An English teacher’s daughter got into Princeton, so now she tells every Ivy League applicant just what to do to get in. A History teacher’s son got no financial aid, so he now tells students not to bother to apply.

Welcome to our world. Like it or not, the best way to reduce this unhelpful helping is to replace it with what you’d like them to say about college—more specifically, what you’d like them to say about college advising.

Tell them what you do The vast majority of teachers are really more than happy—and far too busy—not to offer college advice. But that can be a problem as well. If a student comes to them with a college question, they’re more likely to say “I can’t help you” than “That’s a great question. Your counselor likely has the answer.”

To turn the tide, you need to start by making sure teachers know just what postsecondary planning services you offer. Your message needs to emphasize your services include all plans for life after high school, not just four-year colleges (most teachers think we only talk four-year college, because they only went to four-year college). Ideally, you’d get about 15-20 minutes at a faculty meeting or professional development day, spending about half of it on your college counseling curriculum and how it’s implemented.

Tell them what you don’t do This presentation should also briefly address some common misconceptions about the counselor’s role in the college advising process. Like many parents, teachers often think we are the ones who “get students into college”, or that we will “generously edit” student essays. Briefly touching on the things we don’t do can clear up a lot of confusion in a hurry.

Walk them through the student process This may sound like a lot, but this is something you can do in about three Power Point slides. Using this as your guide, this explanation gives teachers some idea what their students are going through in the process, and when. This can sharpen teacher’s college radar, knowing when to send students for your help at specific times of their search. You might even consider sending out a faculty email at the start of each month, reminding them which part of the process students are involved in by grade level. This kind of communication is valued by teachers, as long as it’s short and to the point.

Tell them how they can help We’re going to devote next week’s column to this topic, but it’s important for now to save the last 5 minutes of your faculty presentation for a summary of how teachers can help in the process. This has to include some reasonable questions, comments, and activities they can do that won’t take much time. It also has to include more than “Just send the kids to us”, since there really are some practical things teachers can help with that will allow you to focus on more complex issues—and since saying that turns teachers off to your program.

Telling them what not to do You may want to address some common misconceptions about the college selection process in general, but don’t try to fix individual behaviors in a public setting. The teacher who tells students not to bother with FAFSA needs a conversation with you, if only so they can get their frustrations off their chest for once and for all, and get a better understanding of how they can help students. “Praise in public, correct in private” is definitely the rule of the day.

Building a College List

by Patrick O'Connor, Ph.D.

At this stage of things, you’re heading into the home stretch of the first part of the college search. By studying hard, giving back, thinking about your place in the world, and having fun, your high school years have been great to experience and great to grow on—something to build, not just a college application on, but for applying yourself once you’re in college, and once you’re out. Because you built these qualities up over time, you’re not burned out about college; because your parents and your counselor are on board with you, they’re not on your case; because you’ve learned about the colleges in great detail, you’re focused on finding schools that are right for you, not finding ones that are “right” colleges.

You really need to hold on to that last thought tight from now until June of your senior year. Lots of well-meaning folks at the family reunion, Thanksgiving table, or New Year’s Party will ask you where you’re going to go, and what you’re going to major in. If you don’t give them the answer they want to hear—that you’ll be majoring in Business at one of “those” colleges—they will likely do things with their faces you swore were limited to cartoon characters who eat too many Cocoa Doodles for breakfast.

Of course, it’s fine to major in Business at a name college—if that’s right for you—but if that’s not where you are, that’s not where you should go. Don’t get me wrong—the last thing you want to do is go to college without thinking about your plans. But if you’ve thought about them and don’t have a major, then finding a college that doesn’t care if you have one right now is a plan, even if it’s at a college people haven’t heard of, and even if you change your major a lot once you’re there (which most students do—even the business majors).

Keeping your focus in the midst of all these opinions and cocoa doodles may not be the easiest thing to do—so you need to focus on something else. As you continue to research colleges, remember your goal is:

1. A list of 4-8 colleges you’d like to apply to, which includes:

1. At least one college in your home state;
2. Two colleges where your grades (and if it applies, test scores) are above the averages for most of the students admitted there;
3. A couple of dream schools you can’t quite figure out how you’ll get into or pay for;
4. All colleges you’ll be happy to go to.

This doesn’t have to be a “one and done” exercise, so dream on, keep thinking, be strong in the work you have done so far…

…and don’t forget to fish out the cereal that landed in the cracks between the sofa cushions.

Also—write your list down, and put it somewhere you can see it every day.

Working with Your School Counselor

by Patrick O'Connor, Ph.D.

Students, driving the life-after-high school bus means taking care of all the passengers, and that includes someone whose role is pretty important—your school counselor.

Go ahead, I’ll wait.

“Hang on. So I meet with my parents every week, and I have to stay in touch with someone I’ve only met once when I changed my schedule?”

Exactly right—and that’s the problem. If you look at most college applications, there’s a section that has to be filled out by your school counselor. It doesn’t matter how well the counselor knows you. It doesn’t matter how many other students they work with. It doesn’t matter how many other things your counselor does besides help students get into college. The colleges want to hear from your counselor.

That means one of three things will happen with the space the counselor has to complete. It stays blank; your counselor scribbles something in it that could apply to anyone; your counselor has so many helpful things to say about you they have to write “continued on attached document”.

Two questions here. First, if you gave this form to your counselor today, what option would they choose? Second, which option are you rooting for?

Thought so.

This isn’t hard. For the first two years of high school, see your counselor when you need to—when you need to change a schedule, discuss a personal issue, apply for a summer program—and, if they have time, talk about college. Like it or not, your counselor is way overworked. So go see them if you need them; if not, space is good.

In most cases, the time to ramp things up is in February of junior year. If your school is like most, this is when you’ll schedule classes for senior year. By the end of January, you’ll want to type up a summary of your community service and extracurricular activities, along with any awards and recognitions you’ve received. Complete this with 1-2 paragraphs explaining why you want to go to college. This way, the notes or letter your counselor writes for the college will be more than just a list of what you’ve done; it will show them more of who you are. That makes a difference.

You’ll also want to have your senior schedule written up and finished. Your counselor may have scheduled this meeting to talk about your classes, but you don’t want to do that. Instead, put all these materials in a folder that has your name on the front. Hand it to your counselor when your meeting starts, then say:

“Mrs. Jones, I know you’re really busy, so I got a copy of my transcript from the office and planned my senior schedule already. I also want you to know I’m scheduled to take the SAT in April, and I’m doing some in-person and online college tours over spring break. I don’t know if I’ll see you before I apply for colleges before fall, so here’s a list of what I’ve been up to in high school, along with my thoughts about college. I’ve highlighted the activities that mean the most to me, and my cell number is at the top of the page, so you can contact me right away if you have any questions. Thanks for helping me with this. If I have any questions, what’s the best way to contact you?”

I promise you—if you do this, your counselor will look for reasons to see you from now on, and that’s a good thing.

Counselor on board? Drive on.